30 May

That Time When I Met David Housholder

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community, Vocation. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , .

After working with David Housholder (aka Hous) for nearly a year, we finally met in person in Dallas on Tuesday. Hous and his wife, Wendy, were in Dallas for a conference. So my guys and I drove up to have dinner with them.

The funniest thing about meeting Hous in person was the first thing he said to me, “You’re so tiny!” I knew he was tall because he often mentions his height, but I guess I don’t exactly broadcast the fact that I’m rather short. It does just go to show though, that my personality is “larger than life.”

Over at Life & Liberty, I posted a longer version of the story of how we met online and started working together; that post is under the title, The Joy of Meeting People Online (click the title to read that post). But I thought it would be fun to share a couple pictures with y’all right here.
05-27-2014 Hous & Jen

Hous and I, you know, just hanging out in Dallas.

 

05-27-2014 Epic Tinker-Housholder Summit

The Whole Gang at the Epic Tinker-Housholder Summit: (from left) My husband-David, Me, Hous’s wife-Wendy, my son, Hous

 

25 May

When Weeds Are Wildflowers

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Inspiration. Tagged: , , , , .

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It’s thistle season in Texas right now. The ranchers down here aren’t real fond of the nuisance of the thistles in their pastures. But looking out at the beauty of a field of thistles takes my breath away.

I’ve always been a little obtuse about the distinction between weeds and wildflowers.

As a kid I always lamented that we didn’t have more dandelions in our yard.

“They’re weeds.” I was told.

And in my subdivision neighborhood in the suburbs we all paid good money to have folks come out and spray our lawns to keep those weeds under control.

But I was the luckiest kid in my neighborhood because out beyond our back yard was a field–real estate that was a little less desirable because of its situation on a busy road. This field hardly ever got mowed and the grasses and “weeds” got to grow and grow.

In “my” field I had dandelions and clover flowers that got so tall you wouldn’t believe it. There was lots of Queen Ann’s Lace and there was a yellow flower that grew out there in abundance too–I never did identify it.

I know they’re all considered weeds. No self-respecting suburbanite would want them in their yard.

But I couldn’t understand it. They were glorious. That field was full of wonder and all the majesty of God’s creation.

I’ve often wondered, who decides what’s a weed and what’s a wildflower?

I mean, I get it that if you’re planting vegetables you don’t want some other plant taking the nutrients away from what you’re growing. In this way, even a vegetable out of place could be considered a “weed.”

But I loved my field and all the lovely wildflowers that grew out there.

And I love my thistles down here in Texas.

And I just gotta wonder about how hard we try to keep our weeds under control. I mean, if they’re not hurting anything, do we really gotta mow ’em all down and spray ’em into submission?

Then again, we humans are infamous for our need to control, well, just about everything…and everyone.

We best be careful though because otherwise we’ll miss the beauty of the wild ones.

23 May

When Infertility is Big Business

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Brokenness. Tagged: , , .

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I was at the hospital today (just visiting, that is) and by the hospital pharmacy was a sign welcoming IVF (in vitro fertilization) patients and it reminded me of how much the “business” of infertility treatment irks me.

Back in the day when my husband and I first sought treatment for our infertility problems one of the best pieces of advice we got was to decide ahead of time how far we were willing to go with treatment. We took this advice very seriously and tried to look at the situation from all angles.

(Before I go on, I want to acknowledge how very personal these decisions are for couples. In what follows, I am simply describing what we chose and not trying to tell anyone else what they should decide.)

We made two important decisions up front:

  1. We wanted to address my overall health, not just make a baby. My infertility condition is part of a syndrome–meaning there are a variety of symptoms involved. In other words, infertility is not my only problem. Women with this syndrome, called Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), are at greater risk than other women for developing a variety of complications as well. We wanted my treatment to deal with the PCOS on fronts other than the infertility issue.
  2. We did not want to do any treatment that would significantly increase the chance of multiple pregnancy. There is a progression of infertility treatments and the mildest options have very low incidence of multiples. We wanted to stay with the milder treatment options and were willing to accept not getting pregnant at all rather than risk multiples.

We’ve dealt with various doctors over the years with respect to my reproductive health. Most of them totally get our decisions and have respected them and worked with us within the parameters we have set.

But before we had our son there was one particular doctor who ignored our concerns about my overall health and pushed advanced reproductive treatments on us despite our objections. Pictures of babies–even multiples–lined this doctor’s bulletin boards while the expensive treatments lined the doctor’s pockets.

Meanwhile all the emotional ups and downs of treatment had left us weary. We were ready to revise decision #2 to be no treatment that involved shots or scheduled sex. We felt our marriage was on increasingly shaky grounds and we wanted most of all to preserve us.

People I know and love have had children through advanced types of infertility treatment. Babies are a gift, so I’m happy for them.

Still, it left a bad taste in my mouth when that particular doctor did not seem to care about our needs and values in the treatment process. The doctor just wanted to give us our little miracle even if that bundle of joy had to get sent to a broken home.

It was shortly after that appointment that we walked away from any treatment that wasn’t related to our decision #1. Consequently, I credit our decision to address my overall health with my eventual ability to conceive our son.

I know that infertility treatment can work. I also know it comes at great cost–both financially and emotionally. And while, of course, the couples that have successful treatments get the priceless gift of a baby, plenty of other couples go home with empty arms.

But either way, there’s big money in it for the professionals involved.

$o, of cour$e, welcome IVF patient$, we’re $o glad to $ee you.

22 May

Pros & Cons of Homeschooling

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Family. Tagged: , , , , .

HomeschoolLibrary

A ministry colleague asked me to identify pros and cons of homeschooling. I made a list and published it at Life & Liberty: http://www.davidhousholder.com/homeschooling-pros-cons-tinker/ Click the link to see that post.

20 May

Married Half My Life: Anniversary Thoughts

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Family. Tagged: , , , , .

GirlandBoy

On May 20, 1995, when I married my David 19 years ago, I was 19 years old. I’ve been married to that guy for half my life now!

It blows my mind when I think of it like that–married half my life!

(For a fun post about my groom saving a turtle on our wedding day, click here: Link to Turtle Story.)

Of course, we’ll have to have a big party for our 20th anniversary next year or a second honeymoon or some such. But this milestone right here, to have reached the point where I’ve been married for as many years as I was single is a pretty big deal to me.

Tink is 10 years older than I am, so he has reached (or will reach) most milestones in life before I do. But this is one where me being younger means reaching this milestone earlier in my life than he will. (He was 28 when we got married and he is 48 now, so it will be another 8 years before Tink will have been married to me for half his life.)

This milestone is significant to me because of the commitment it represents. Naturally, I meant it when I said, “until we are parted by death.”  The commitment I made was for keeps.

But at 19 years old, it was hard to think about much beyond the elation of having snagged a seminarian and convincing him to marry me. I was just so eager to be married in the right-now of it.

I could see ahead a little to being married to a pastor, sharing the highs and lows of parish life together. I could picture having little Tinkers running around our home.

At 19 years in though, there is so much that I could not have imagined. I never saw years of infertility problems coming. I didn’t anticipate the moving around the country that we’ve done. I didn’t expect to be such a depressed mess.

But I also didn’t know how hard we could love despite all of the pain and change in our lives. I didn’t know how very tightly we would cling to one another through it all.

I didn’t know love could be this big.

Oh, there was a lot of excitement to our love before we got married and it was consuming.

But to be here, twice as old and to only just now begin to really understand how big love can really be?

That a guy would stick with me even when it looked like I could never provide a child for him? That I would stick with him from state to state for this ministry life? That he would stand with me in the throes of depression?

And even after all that, we still can’t wait to tell each other about our day? And we still laugh together every chance we get?

Half my life later and it feels like we are just starting to discover what this marriage commitment really entails. And I know now that I still can’t know what will be next for us in life.

And if we live good long lives I hope that half a lifetime later from now we are still surprised by our love.

Happy Anniversary, David James Tinker! I love you forever! You’re the best!

For a fun list I wrote in honor of my 19th anniversary, visit Life & Liberty and read the post, 19 Ways to Honor the Ones You Love. (Click the title to read that post.)

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