Archive for the ‘Community’ Category

11 May

Teaching Kids that People Are Not Objects

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community, Family. Tagged: , , , , , , , .

Teaching kids that people are not objects can open a lot of conversations.

[Trigger Warning: Sexual abuse]

When I was in training to become a Lutheran Deaconess, one of the requirements was to learn about recognizing, responding to and preventing sexual abuse. It was my first real understanding of the dynamics of power and abuse. Now as a parent, I teach my child about abuse in age-appropriate ways so he develops healthy ideas about giving and receiving respect.

People Are Not Objects

It seems to me that a lot of abuse happens when people stop seeing others as people. In this distorted and sinful perception of others as objects, real people are beaten, bullied, and discarded at will.

But people are not objects! They are living beings with rights, needs, and feelings. All people are worthy of dignity and respect, no matter what!

Object Lessons

I often use the phrase, “people are not objects” when I talk with my son about abuse in all forms. It is simple to grasp, yet opens many conversations.

We discussed “people are not objects” in a simple form when my son was in preschool. “We do not hit other kids because they have feelings; it is okay to hit your punching bag because it does not have feelings.”

When he was in public school, together we attended a presentation about bully-prevention. Since then we continue to talk about how bullies treat other people like objects and that is wrong. We talk about ways to avoid being bullies as well as the importance of standing up for ourselves and others.

When my son told me that his peers referred to girls as “hotties,” I told him girls are not just things to be judged by their appearance. When we discussed this year’s Super Bowl ads, he said, “You probably don’t like that ad because it treats people like objects.”

Framework for the Future

These are just a few vignettes of the types of conversations we have. While we have never had to face the horror of serious abuse, we have been talking about milder forms for years now.

I have deliberately given him words to identify the problem with treating others as objects. The framework we’ve built can support our future conversations. As the threats and temptations get more serious, we can relate new concerns to established ideals.

I recognize that I can’t protect my child from every possible threat. And as time goes on, he will be responsible for the decisions he makes in how he treats others. Still, talking with him about it throughout his life is the best way I know to help him recognize, respond to and prevent abuse in all forms. These conversations are imporant because people are not objects.

20 Apr

5 Reasons Being on the Fence is Hard

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Brokenness, Community, Leadership. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , .

20130420-185555.jpg

Have you ever been accused of being on the fence on a tough issue? People don’t realize how many of us there are because we’re not the ones making headlines. They also don’t realize being on the fence isn’t easy. Here are five reasons why being on the fence is harder than people think.

1. People Think We’re Just Sitting Here, Not Caring

The people on the extremes of an issue advocate legislation, push the envelope, and get noticed. Since we’re not in the public square making our position clear, they think we’re just sitting here on our fence, not caring about the issue at hand.

They imagine us here, blissfully unaware of the heated debate all around us. They think, because we haven’t chosen one side or the other, we simply don’t care. While that may be true for inconsequential matters, we do care about the big stuff. Its just that the way we care doesn’t look like the way an activist cares.

2. People Don’t Understand the Fence as a Position

People assume just because we haven’t chosen “either/or” we don’t have an opinion. They say we’re undecided. They don’t seem to appreciate that we chose the fence for a reason.

What they don’t realize is that we’re as passionate about the issue as they are. Our decision to take middle ground is often just as intentional as their choice to take a side. We’re not undecided, we have simply chosen a highly nuanced position somewhere in the middle.

3. Sometimes We Agree with Both Sides

Our nuance often comes from the reality that we can see merit on both sides of the issue. We think both camps have valid points and we take a position that embraces the best of both.

It’s hard to talk about the issue with people who want us to pick a side when we agree with them and their opponents. When we nod in agreement on their concerns and also nod with their opposition, they think we’re being disloyal.

4. Other Times We Disagree with Both Sides

On some issues our nuance comes from the conviction that both extremes are just wrong. We hear all the arguments on both sides and neither one seems a suitable option. We don’t pick one or the other because there just isn’t a good choice between them.

We take our perch on the fence because we find balance there, avoiding the muck on both sides. The trouble then is, we’re easy targets on that fence because we’re everyone’s opposition.

5. Some Fences Just Plain Hurt

Oh sure, some fences are sturdy and comfortable, but other fences are rickety or barbed. Being on the fence can be pleasant, but sometimes being on the fence itself is dangerous.

When the moderate position has its own dangers and difficulties, it can be tempting to just choose a side. Sometimes being on the fence hurts like barbed wire but we do it because we’re convinced that’s where we’re supposed to be.

What the Fence Could Be

Maybe if more people understood why being on the fence is so hard, they’d give us a break. Maybe if we could somehow articulate why we take the middle ground, they’d see that we care. And maybe if we could better communicate our nuanced view they might even help us bend back some barbs and join us on the fence.

Do you wish more people would take a nuanced view of controversial topics? Or are you on the fence about that?

16 Apr

Boston Marathon Helpers

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Brokenness, Community. Tagged: , , , .

20130401-183713.jpg

Today’s Tribute is for all those who helped in some way after the explosions at the Boston Marathon. These are a few of those stories.
 

This article from the Boston Globe describes individuals who helped runners who were unable to finish the race and separated from all their belongings:

Many (runners) were met with kindness from locals; offered blankets and jackets, cash and food, and a free place to sleep. “People in this city have been unbelievable,” said Glenn Sheehan, 50, a runner born in Wakefield and now lives in South Carolina. “ ‘Let me give you food, let me give you water’ — it’s been like that all afternoon.”

Forced from the race course at Massachusetts and Commonwealth avenues, 45-year-old Kathy Cote got a helping hand outside the Eliot Hotel.
“A very nice man offered me his jacket and his cellphone while he went into the Eliot and got me a blanket,” said Cote, a bartender from Mashpee running her second Boston Marathon, who was swept toward the Common by police with bullhorns.

The same article also says that one of the runners rerouted in an attempt to do some good:

Emily Clark, a Boston College junior, who was also forced to end her Marathon early, ran to Massachusetts General Hospital with two friends, intending to donate blood. Clark said hospital staff told her to come back Tuesday.

Another Boston Globe article talks about medical workers treating the injured in medical tents:

Alix Coletta, 26, a nurse in the medical tent, later told me she and others had treated dozens of people — including children — for severe trauma, massive bleeding, and heart problems.

Yet another article tells of the work of Boston area hospitals:

In all, eight Boston hospitals reported treating at least 144 patients, many in critical condition…Many of the hospitals activated long-held emergency plans, some calling in extra staff.

This article describes one way that Boston government officials were on the scene:

City officials set up a resource center for runners at the Park Plaza Castle. Late Monday night, Barbara Ferrer, head of the Boston Public Health Commission, said 50 people had arrived, looking for help finding loved ones or their belongings.

The mayor took time from his own hospital-stay as described in this article:

Mayor Thomas M. Menino was at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, ­recovering from surgery to repair a broken leg, when the news arrived…The mayor left the hospital and headed toward Copley Square, to meet with his aides and to brief the media.”

Finally, if you would like a visual sampling of Boston’s helpers, take a look at  this from The Atlantic Wire.

Even as we try to make sense of what has happened, as we pray for the injured and mourn those lost, we can find hope, as Mr. Rogers says, by looking for the helpers.

What stories have you heard about the helpers at the Boston Marathon?

12 Apr

Is Your Giftedness Too Obvious?

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community, Inspiration. Tagged: , .

“People tell me I’m really good at this, but to me its no big deal.”

If you’ve found yourself saying something like this, then you’ve probably found something in which you are gifted.

20130412-003640.jpgFrom time to time I have led classes in the church to help people discover their unique God-given gifts. I love seeing people light up when they recognize their gifts and live more fully into who God has equipped them to be.

Sometimes churches struggle to fill slots and at the same time people in the church feel like their ideas and talents are overlooked. The church is stronger and better when people’s gifts are lifted up and they are free to exercise those gifts.

There are tools that we can use to help people discover their gifts. I often use the series from Stephen Ministries. I have used tools from other publishers as well, but I like the Stephen Ministries resources because they are very thorough.

As I teach about these gifts and guide people through discovery activities, sometimes people express concern that their gift isn’t unique. They tell me their results showed them something they already knew about themselves. Then they go on to say something to the effect of, “anybody can do that.” They discount the value of their gift because they assume it is universally practiced with ease.

The thing is though, the very thing you or I take for granted about ourselves is something that someone else struggles with. We may think something is easy or “no big deal.” The reason why we think something is easy is because that is what we are gifted in!

I encourage people to look around, ask around and reconsider their assumption that “anyone” can do what they are good at. Chances are good that when they talk to other people about it they’ll discover that not everyone can do it.

If something comes naturally, or seems “easy” to you, don’t overlook it. Embrace it as your gift.

7 Apr

I Used to Go Barefoot

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community. Tagged: , .

20130407-010121.jpgChildhood friends have a way of grounding me, of reminding me of things about myself that make me who I am. Sometimes they remember the strangest things though, things I would never have imagined would make a lasting impression.

A childhood friend just reminded me that I used to go barefoot. She and her sister (both of them younger than me) lived directly across the street from me when we were kids. She recalled how I would cross that pebbly street in my bare feet to go over and play. She still marvels at how those pebbles didn’t seem to bother me.

It’s true, I used to go barefoot. Even as a toddler my mother says she couldn’t keep shoes and socks on me. Throughout my childhood I only put something on my feet when I absolutely had to (no shoes, no service).

In the summer, the days were full with playing and we didn’t have to go anywhere besides each other’s houses. Whole days would go by without anything on my feet at all. By the end of the day the soles of my feet were filthy, dark as coal. I didn’t mind.

As a grown-up, I don’t go barefoot as much. I like my feet to breath though, so prefer sandals when it’s warm enough. If I go too long with shoes and socks on, my feet scream at me to let them free.

I want to be remembered for the Important Things, but going barefoot is such a trivial thing to be remembered for. She is right though, and that thread runs all through my life.

Remembering it fills me with delight. Yes, sweet friend, I used to go barefoot.

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »