13 Nov

I’m a Jesus Feminist Because I Don’t Have to Be One

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community, Leadership. Tagged: , , , , , , , .

I'm a Jesus Feminist

My friend Sarah Bessey coined the term “Jesus Feminist” and recently published a book by that name. She has invited others to reflect on the ways they identify with this term. Here’s my take: I’m a Jesus Feminist because I don’t have to be one.

I grew up in a time and place and in a home where, as a young woman, I had every opportunity. This was so completely true that I took feminism for granted.

I even bought into many of the negative stereotypes of feminists. I could disparage feminism in my youth because of the rights and opportunities that past feminist movements afforded me.

I didn’t have to be a feminist because of all the hard work for women’s rights that had already been done.

While I never knew a woman pastor growing up, I was in a denomination where women were permitted to serve in every capacity in the church. But I became acquainted with other denominations where this was not the case.

My own first experience in which I felt I was treated differently because of being a woman wasn’t until college. A guest-lecturer utterly dismissed an insightful comment I made after class only to go right back to chatting away with the male student that was still in the room.

But this was only the beginning. Over time I began to learn more about the plight of women around the world and I realized that I was very fortunate to have the rights and opportunities that I have.

When it came time for me to have my son, I made the seemingly “backward” decision to be a stay-at-home mom–not because I had to but because I wanted to. By this time I recognized that making this decision was a privilege afforded me by the work of feminists ahead of me.

When my friend Sarah Bessey announced that she was writing Jesus Feminist and she talked about her interest in feminism being motivated by following Jesus, it resonated deeply with me. I didn’t want to be an angry, man-hating feminist, but I do care about women being treated as people! And my own personal study of scripture led me to believe that God highly values daughters and sons alike.

I think I took the long route to come to terms with my own feminist streak. But the long and the short of it is, I am a Jesus Feminist because I don’t have to be one.

This post is part of Sarah Bessey’s “In which we are Jesus feminists synchroblog.” >>>Click here to read other stories of how and why folks became Jesus feminists.<<<

I also had the opportunity to interview Sarah about the book for Life & Liberty! >>>Click here to listen to the interview.<<<

Order Jesus Feminist from my section at the Amazon store at Life & Liberty.

Disclaimer: Your purchase via this link will help support Life & Liberty, an online magazine where I am a Spirituality Editor.

8 Nov

Footwashing is Worse Than I Thought

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community, Leadership. Tagged: , , , , .

20131109-083051.jpgFootwashing–in particular Jesus washing his disciples’ feet–is a centering symbol for my Deaconess community. I thought I understood the importance of this humble act of service that Jesus modeled but it is more important than I realized because it’s worse than I thought it was.

One of my favorite Biblical scholars is Kenneth E. Bailey. I even did one of my podcasts for Life & Liberty based on some Bailey wisdom. He is well-acquainted with Middle Eastern culture and brings powerful insights to bear on the Bible.

I was asked to speak with a neighboring women’s group about Deaconess ministry. I chose to lead them in a Bible study of John 13–the passage where Jesus washes the disciples’ feet.

I could’ve just gone with what I know about it, but since I’ve discovered Bailey I wondered what new insights he would bring.

My husband found me this 16-minute video of Bailey teaching on this passage. I learned a few things from the video that painted footwashing as even more profound than I knew. Please take the time to watch and see what I mean:

A highlight for me was the insight that the radical nature of the act would form a bond between Jesus and his disciples if they chose to accept the act. The idea of the intimacy forged through Jesus’ self-giving really resonates with me.

And of course, Jesus was willing to go even further–and do something even worse–for the sake of not just those few disciples but to reconcile the whole world to himself.

Thanks be to God for the lengths to which he goes for us!

7 Nov

2 Powerful Lessons About Keeping a Group Together

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community, Leadership. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , .

My son and I were soaked to the bone from the Cub Scout hike, but still had a great time!

My son and I are getting ready to go home after our first Cub Scout hike together. Despite the nearly-constant rain on the hike we had a great time and we learned about leadership in the process.

Last month I had the privilege of going with my son a Cub Scout hike. On the hike, the Den Leader taught the boys two important lessons about how to keep a group together on a hike. I’d like to tell you about those lessons and how they tie in with some of my own thinking about decision making by consensus.

The First Lesson

The hike began with us walking down a stony path to a clearing. When we got to the clearing the Den Leader stopped the group and waited for everyone to catch up.

Then the Den Leader asked the group who was the slowest hiker. It seemed to me an awkward question–I mean, who wants to be known as the slow kid?

But the purpose of asking, the leader explained, was because “we don’t leave anyone behind.” Therefore the slowest hiker was called upon to lead the group, to set the pace.

I loved this so much because here all of suddenly the slowest hiker got a confidence boost by being in a leadership role!

The Second Lesson

Right after the lead hiker was chosen, the Den Leader instructed the lead hiker on a dialog to begin the hike. He was to ask the group, “Is anyone not ready?”

Of course this is very different than we’re used to. We usually ask it like “Are you ready?” or “Is everyone ready?”

It seems like the same question just asked a different way. But that different way of asking the question is actually much better at finding what you need to know!

Since it was already established that “we don’t leave anyone behind,” it is important to know if someone in the group is not ready to go forward. So the quickest way to find out is to ask directly if anyone is not ready!

The Den Leader explained that when you ask something like, “Is everyone ready?” instead, then the voices of those who are ready all-too-easily drown out the voices of the few who are not. This puts those who are not ready in jeopardy of being left behind.

Connections with Consensus Model

These two lessons–about having the slowest hiker be first and about checking on whoever is not ready–remind me a lot of what I have studied about the process of making decisions by consensus. I have mentioned my work with that on behalf of my Deaconess community in a previous post.

One of the essential aspects of my Deaconess community’s practice in decision making by consensus is the idea that we honor the input from everyone in the group–and especially those who are most vulnerable.

In consensus-based decision making, we’re not trying to carry on at all costs. We don’t want to leave anyone behind!

Just as in the Cub Scout hike the slow hiker was invited to lead, so in the consensus model the one who is most vulnerable is invited to teach the group a different perspective. New proposals can then be crafted that take this new perspective into account.

Another principle we are trying to put into practice in my Deaconess community’s use of the consensus model is the idea of asking questions the different way. When the group seems close to adopting a new proposal we are learning to ask, “Are there any concerns about this proposal?”

The momentum of the majority of the group toward a decision makes it easy to want to ask, “Do we have agreement?” But just like on the Cub Scout hike, the “yes” answers too easily drown out the voices of those who are “not ready” to move forward.

Taking the time to check for remaining concerns may sometimes be a mere formality when, in fact, everyone is actually ready. But in the times when someone is truly not ready to move on a decision, that is vital information for the group so that noone gets drowned out and left behind.

I love that my son is getting these lessons in scouts. I want him to be attuned to the vulnerable, to those at risk of being left behind. And these powerful lessons are valuable for us grown-ups too!

Note to regular readers: If you’re watching the “How Christian Community Helps Us Face Challenges” posts, you can expect a new one next week.

3 Nov

3 Different Challenges and the Types of Responses Needed

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community. Tagged: , , , , , , , , .

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When you’re facing a challenge and are ready to talk about it with a trusted friend, it can help to be clear about the kind of challenge you’re facing. Identifying the type of challenge can also help you be clear about the kind of help you’d like.

A classic dilemma in my life has been when I’m dealing with a disappointment and what I really need is just a listening ear. But if I’m not careful, all of a sudden I will get unsolicited advice from a well-intentioned friend who is in problem-solving mode.

I’ve identified at least three different major categories of challenges that we may face and the types of responses that are most likely to be helpful for each. I will deal with each of these in more detail in future posts, but briefly these are:

  1. Situations beyond our control: This can include anything from a major crisis (like the loss of a loved one) to an everyday emotional blow (like getting overlooked for something we really wanted to do). When things happen that we cannot control, oftentimes our emotions are high. Because we may not even know what all we’re feeling or why we’re feeling it, it is not a time for decisions. When we share about these types of situations, we most need someone who will engage with us in active listening mode.
  2. Sin issues: Unfortunately, sin is real and we’re all guilty of it more often than we like to admit. But sins that we hide have a way of compounding, increasing temptation and causing even more harm. When something we have done or something we have failed to do is holding us captive, we can always talk directly with God about it in prayer. Still, talking about it with a fellow Christian can help us unburden our hearts and minds. When we need to share in this way, it is most helpful to have someone who is willing to fully hear our confession and remind us of God’s love and grace.
  3. Practical dilemmas:If a challenge doesn’t fit the other two types above, it may be something for which advice is appropriate. Sometimes the challenges that we face in life are “nuts and bolts” issues that we cannot seem to resolve on our own. Sometimes we’re too close to a project or task and we need a second opinion. When we share these kinds of concerns what we most need is a friend with experience or expertise in that area who can enter problem-solving mode with us.

The more aware we are of the kind of challenge we’re facing, the better we can get the kind of help we need when we share. Hopefully these descriptions can help you direct how and with whom you share about particular challenges.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like these other posts about “How Christian Community Helps us Face Challenges.” (Please click the titles below to go to the posts.)

4 Simple Reasons Talking About Hard Stuff Can Enhance Your Life

Essential Traits of a Trustworthy Friend
What an Active Listener Does & Doesn’t Do

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1 Nov

Essential Traits of a Trustworthy Friend

Posted by Jennifer Clark Tinker in Community. Tagged: , , , , , .

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Having someone to talk to about the challenges you face is a great benefit. Ensuring that your confidant is trustworthy helps you get the most benefit from sharing.

My last post was about the reasons why sharing about challenges is helpful. I hinted at the importance of trust in that post.

I know that in my life when I don’t feel like I can trust someone it is much harder for me to share about difficult things. Or if I do end up sharing with someone untrustworthy, I often end up regretting it because of the “insult” they add to my “injury.”

Because of the vital role that trust plays in our sharing, I want to suggest some traits to look for in a trustworthy friend. People who are worth placing your trust in…

  1. Keep a confidence. There is nothing worse than sharing about something difficult only to have it blabbed to others. Those in the habit of oversharing about others’ secrets are not good candidates for sharing. If you’re not sure if someone can  keep a confidence you can start by sharing a small matter and see if they keep it between the two of you. If the person handles that appropriately you could work your way up to sharing about bigger concerns.
  2. Respect you. These people take you “warts and all.” They’re not trying to change you or place impossible demands on you. They get that life in Christ is always, always a work-in-progress and they care enough to walk side-by-side with you as you progress through yours.
  3. Follow up. Sometimes I have shared hard things and the person I shared with never mentions it or seems to have forgotten I shared it. It matters to me when friends remember details and ask loving follow-up questions about things I’ve shared with them. Their follow-through demonstrates their care for me.
  4. Keep it cool. Whereas appropriate and loving follow-up is helpful, bringing up a challenge to shame you is not. Folks who use your foibles against you are not good candidates for a trusting friendship. Look for people who encourage you forward rather than berate you for where you’ve been.
  5. Share with you. Quite often the best, most trusting friendships for me are the ones where both parties share about challenges they face. When this is lopsided, it can create a sense that the less-open party is superior to the one more likely to share. While my struggles may not be the same as my friends’ struggles, I know they have them too. I feel better about sharing mine when they share theirs. This mutuality is a real gift.

These are a few of the traits that I look for in a trustworthy friend. I hope this list helps you as you consider who you can trust.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like these other posts about “How Christian Community Helps us Face Challenges.” (Please click the titles below to go to the posts.)

4 Simple Reasons Talking About Hard Stuff Can Enhance Your Life

3 Different Challenges and the Types of Responses Needed
What an Active Listener Does & Doesn’t Do

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